Lovely Quotes.

Lovely Quotes. And by that, I don't mean they are particularly nice. I mean that my Lovely, my husband, said them. Then I collected them to share.

• "Hey, Pig Man! This is what you get for coming out of Hell!" Chopping murder sounds from computer.
• "If a Hell Salesmen knocks on the door, I'm not here."
• "I am the Pig Lord. Sshhh, tell no one."
• Smacks a fly out of the air. Turns to see that I noticed. "Mighty Hunter!"
• Comes in while I am trying to make the bed. "Sleep time! Not project time!"
• Him: "Don't bend down anymore. Have me fetch things for you." Me: "You aren't a dog!" Him: "Well, it works."
• Holds up quart of eggnog. "This IS my serving size!" Proceeds to offer me some.
• Referring to game he had me 'watch' while he went to the other room. "I see he is still alive. Well done, wife."
• "Our baby can't be a vegetarian! He already doesn't like chocolate! No Hippies in this house!!!"
• Speaking of his Mother. "Oh, she is the perfect person to babysit. She is kind and loving and willing to hit you over the head with a pole if you need it. She's great."
• "You have to keep that in the living room. The Bedroom can't be your creative space. Books are already a problem, if you bring in a laptop or craft things you may never sleep again." And in a quieter voice. "And pins!"
• Pokes my pregnant belly. "Be nice to your Mother. She has the power!"
• In a very dramatic old-man southern accent. "I'll take ya behind the barn and beat ya. I wonder if an 'organic' celery stick will hold up better than them those GMO celeries!" (We pretend to be characters having conversations. It is a creative thing.)
• Me: "I really want to start-" Him: "You have to finish the book series I got you first! We need to talk about them!"

These are just some of the ones I have thought to save. There are many more. My Lovely is very good about making me feel amazing and getting me to laugh on even the worst of days. I am sure I will have to have a second post on his quotes at least.

The Story of the Peanut Butter Cookie Gifts

 I am a compulsive gifter.
More so when I am nervous about meeting people, have to teach someone, or really want them to be my friend.
Recently, I was in a situation where I needed to do all three. So I baked.
I know that peanut butter based things are not the very best for a first gift. You have to worry about allergies, if they are on a diet that you didn't know about, or are just one of those contrary people that like the crunch instead of the creamy peanut butter, or vice versa.
Sadly, I didn't have much choice in my gifts. I am broke (or very near like it, as I am saving every penny and pail for baby coming soon), have no space in my tiny kitchen to make something too elaborate, and I am also the laziest person I have ever met and didn't want to go out to get extra ingredients. So I looked up things based on the things I already had and, wham, I am making peanut butter cookies.

I have trouble with baking where I live now. I used to be at sea level, and know all about how to cook and bake back home. But I moved from water level baking to my home here that is high elevation. I know there are charts and tricks and your momma's favorite hack to change a recipe from sea level to high elevation to make it a taste just the same and all this. I have tried everything in my know-how to get baking to do what I want here. I have been to multiple cooking classes and used all of the methods taught. My baking here just always fails. I can barely get bread to work.
So, I was nervous about these cookies. I wanted to make a good impression, but it was a gamble.
Following the recipe I will include at the bottom of the page (just scroll down to it if that is all you are here for. I'm not offended) I was pleasantly surprised to find the consistency exactly as described. So I went ahead and made about 50 of them.

 Before you get too impressed with that nice big number, I made 50 cookies that were each the size of a medium sized button.
I did them this size because I don't have full sized cookie sheets and wanted to get them done and ready in the shortest amount of time. So I made about 50 very small ones so they would cook fast and the batter would never get suspicious on me while I was waiting for the first ones to bake.
I also don't own cooling racks.
I know, and I call myself domestic? I'm working on it, promise!
So I used paper lined foil on my tiny little cookie sheets so when they were half cooled and not going to break when moved, I could slide them over to my tiny little work space and let them finish cooling while I got the next batch in.
You will notice a cookie or two is missing from the picture above. I had to taste test. To be sure they were moist enough and all that. And because button sized cookies seem to make us all feel as if they are guilt free. Warning - you might just inhale the first five cough-ten-cough before you realize you should control yourself. They be good.

 Well, as I said, I am a gifter. I didn't want to just hand over a plate of cookies that were smaller than they should be. And my paper plates are in low supply - real plates in low number and cannot be spared. I also consider myself very crafty and domestic. So I had to prove myself.
Peanut butter cookies have this habit of that cross hatching on the top, made by pressing them down with a fork before baking. I don't do that. One, I like to be different. Secondly, I didn't want crumbly bits to make them even smaller before I could get them to the ladies they were going to. So I smashed with a spoon instead of the fork. I know, breaking boundaries here. Cutting edge baking here.
These un-crumble cookies also made them perfect for stacking.
I will admit, this idea of gifting came from my husband. My Lovely is just as crafty as me, and gives me so many ideas of how to improve my crafting.
He thought I should use those mason jars that everyone is head of heels about, and fill them up with thumb sized snack like cookies or home made cheese crackers or chocolate dipped pretzels. Then decorate the mason jar. His thoughts were that every woman he has ever met thinks miniature anything is adorable and wonderful. (You know he is right. How do you think mini M&Ms became a thing? It isn't because you get more chocolate)
I wasn't going to make thumb sized peanut butter cookies. I am just NOT that patient. So these button sized ones were a great midway. And I had some empty peanut butter jars. I get the smaller jars through WIC, and when we empty one I clean it out and keep it. Because you never know when you are going to need a small plastic jar.
And luck would just have it that these button cookies fit the jars perfectly without hitting the sides. I was able to stack 8 cookies on top of one another, put the jar over them, and turn to make a cute little car of cookies.
I have no idea why I had saved the labels of the peanut butter jar lids. Crafting has a tendency to borderline on hoarding. Just don't tell My Lovely that I admitted that.
But I am so glad I had them, because re-wrapping them on the jars was just adorable, and told them it was creamy peanut butter to boot. (Judge me, crunchy lovers, if you dare!)

I didn't have twine on hand and my ribbons were all in the bottom of a bin somewhere. I also didn't want a ribbon to soak up the bit of oil peanut butter anything will always have. So I grabbed some brown paper I use to make my own patterns, and put it between the lid and jar.
The lids are not air tight. I am well aware of that. And the paper is not protection. But it is a little extra step that I thought was cute.
I also wrote on the paper, so when they opened the lid they would get a cute little note before cookies. See, domestic craftiness re initiated. I got this.
I wrote "Peanut Butter Makes Love Stick to Your Heart!" on the papers. (Because it is not only cute, but true) I was running out of time and so apparently forgot to take a picture of that step. Oops. How will you ever forgive me?

I made three of these small jars as gifts. Because I had three jars. And I had to get more cookies out of the house because apparently I still have not developed any impulse control. They were really good.
When I delivered the first of the jars the lady it was meant for was not home. Her husband was happy to take it for her, though his confusion at being handed a jar of peanut butter was pretty priceless until he got a better look. The children all around his knees know the ways, though, and immediately knew there were treats to be had.
I left him there to control the suddenly ravenous kiddos, pleased.

The quality of the pictures is not great, and I'm no professional anything, but I thought you would like to see the project and how I put it together.
It makes an easy gift at the last minute, or just because you think someone needs more Love stuck to their heart.

Recipe (format from Pepperplate.com. Great website/app that you can grab recipes from almost any site on and access from anywhere. I may do a post on it later. Not a sponser, I just love them.) :

Peanut Butter Cookies

YIELD

 30

ACTIVE TIME

 10

TOTAL TIME

 20

CATEGORIES

 cookies, dessert, peanut butter

---

INGREDIENTS

• • 1 1/2 cups flour
  • 1/2 cup butter (113g)
  • 1/2 cup brown sugar
  • 1/2 cup white sugar
  • 1 egg
  • 1/2 tsp baking soda
  • 1/2 tsp salt
  • 1 cup peanut butter (crunchy or smooth)
  • 1/2 tsp vanilla extract

---

INSTRUCTIONS

• 1. pre heat the oven to 180 C (375 F)
  2. beat the butter and sugar together until creamy
  3. add the egg and beat some more
  4. add the peanut butter and vanilla extract and beat
  5. sift the flour, baking soda and salt and add to the batter
  6. mix briefly until the dough comes together
  7. roll the dough into small balls about 1 inch (3 cm’s), place on a lined baking sheet and press down with a fork
  8. bake for about 10 to 15 minutes until a light golden brown
  9. remove and allow to cool on a cooling rack

The Story of Uncomfortable Questions.

What is Forgive and Forget?
We hear it all the time. We are told to do so. But what does it actually mean? The flippant response of a person "It's fine, forget about it." doesn't really seem appropriate.
If you need to forgive someone, and say the words "I forgive you", does that really lend to thoughts of a little offense? If you have to forgive someone, doesn't that at some level equate work?
We are told to draw on the Atonement for the strength to get through something and truly forgive someone. The Atonement is not only to wash away sin, but also pain. True pain. If Jesus had to bleed for that pain in the Garden, is it really something that could be considered small? Or is it more than just not being mad at a friend anymore?
If someone has hurt you, enough that they need to be forgiven, would you put them back in that position to do it again? If you have to call upon Heavenly Father, through His Son that died for you, in order to work through that pain of how you were hurt, should you put yourself right back in that logistical place?
What about the Forget part? I personally believe that in today's language we have a different meaning for the word than was intended. Does Heaven Father truly expect you to never think of the instance ever again? Is that even how people are created? Is that how we learn for next time we are put in a dangerous position? Or could, possibly, that second part mean something slightly different than just not ever thinking about it again?
Could the Forget of Forgive and Forget, simply mean that we allow ourselves to heal? To let ourselves not be consumed by the thoughts, perhaps? We are told so many times that holding on to anger, hate, and grudges does ourselves more harm than the person we are thinking so unkindly of. Wouldn't this lead to forgiveness as well? What if instead of never allowing ourselves to think of the thing again, which that forcing usually means we are only bottling it up for later, the Forget means that we don't hold on to the thoughts? We don't let that thing, person, or thoughts be our only waking thoughts. We don't live in those thoughts. Wouldn't our minds heal so much faster, and more permanently, if we allowed a passing thought, but then allowed it to move along? To allow ourselves to forget. A process of forgetting. Is forgetting a process of allowing ourselves to heal? Wouldn't that be a kind of freedom? To give yourself a freedom, over and over, wouldn't that be wonderful?
Wouldn't it be easier to Forgive someone if you are not thinking about them at every moment and that hurt they caused you? Could you truly Forgive someone when you are reminded of them and or what they did over and over?
Heavenly Father created the world, and us to live in it. He knows how we all work and react. He has inspired men in so many ways, including science.
Health science is a thing. Heavenly Father, in my mind, wouldn't expect you to ignore a resource of a mental health, and the professionals that practice it. So, wouldn't listening, with discernment, to the truth of your doctors also be part of the Atonement? Wouldn't Heavenly Father want you to use all your resources that he has provided for you?
Doesn't mental health, under that thought, have some basic suggestions of how to deal with the person that hurt you? Even if that mental health professional is not of a faith, wouldn't they have some basic idea of what is healthy for you in that regard?
Would Heavenly Father, or that doctor, expect you to socialize and be on good, friendly terms with that person that hurt you? A person that hurt you so much that you needed to seek help from the Lord and medical personal alike?
Remember, we are not talking a "It's fine, nevermind" situation here. We are talking someone that caused you harm enough that you fell into the arms of your Savior, and are willing to pay hundreds of dollars an appointment for a doctor to boot.
Perhaps the health professional would suggest that you meet with that person that hurt you. Would it be every day? Every other day? Every week?
Or would it be once, to find closure?
Could you ever really find closure, which is a CLOSEing, if you put yourself in a place where you are constantly reminded of what sent you desperately needing the Atonement and other help? Can you allow yourself to Forget if you are constantly speaking with, preparing to socialize with, or being influenced by that person that hurt you so badly?
We know that the people you are around are the people that influence your life the most, yes? Isn't that the reason that we sing Love at Home, so the people that we are around the most, our family, are full of love instead of hostility? Isn't that the reason for Family Home Evenings, and Family Prayer? Even those not of the LDS faith know the importance of the family eating dinner together around the table, yes?
We want to create bonds with the people that will love us, and therefore influence us to do the most good, right?
So if you are in the process, or already been through the process, of Forgiving some person that put you in a place where you needed the Atonement to Forgive, why would you be asked to never be able to Forget?
If you are asked to be near that person, over and over and over and over again, wouldn't that person now be an influence on your life, wanted or not?
Would it ever be acceptable that a doctor, who is seeing you for mental health, ask you to allow that source of anguish to have an influence on your life?
Would your Father in Heaven ask that of you?
Would you ever be able to actually Forget?
If you can't Forget, can you actually be well enough to Forgive that person?
The Forgiving isn't for them, though it is surely a possible help. It is for you. You need to Forgive in order to move on, and not hold the anger and grudge that we know are so bad for us.
So, would it be appropriate for anyone to ask you to, or expect you to, Forgive without being able to ever Forget?
There is a reason certain people leave our lives. Some are just along with the passage of time. Other we let or make leave.
Is it okay to have the person who hurt you leave your life, even if other's weren't comfortable with it? Wouldn't Heavenly Father want you to be healthy and happy rather than popular?
That isn't to say you can make it so that you never see that person again. Depending on the situation, you may need to be in their association again, however shortly. You may have to do so sometimes. It wouldn't even be bad to paste on a smile and be civil, helpful, and even kind.
But, wouldn't it be easier if you knew that once the instance was over, no matter how needed or worthwhile or kind it was to everyone involved, that you knew that you can allow yourself to Forget again?
Forgive and Forget. Those words aren't together because it is catchier and easier to remember.
Don't you want both?

Smile Always.
(I know that was a little darker, but try to.)

Story of the Psychedelic Critters

Once Upon A Time I found an old box of art supplies.
I am talking about from high school art supplies.
I have no idea how they lasted this long or through so many moves. I really don't know why I decided to keep them.
But I am so glad I did because they inspired a new art project that I can do while the sewing machine is unavailable to me.
I decided to use the brightest bits of art things I could find for this project. Brightest ended up being some very old, half demolished, oil pastels that I had attacked with no amount of skill back in Freshman year of high school.

 I hadn't touched these in years and knew I had to do some serious experimenting in order to figure out how to use them again. But the challenge of only have about ten colors to work with, and their very temperamental way of adding those colors, was an adventure I couldn't pass up.
It should also be noted that my laptop was down and I didn't have access to a lot of my usual distractions. I blame that for this wild tangent.
I had used these before and remembered vaguely being frustrated that I hadn't created the kind of image I had mentally planned. This was most likely due to the fact that in high school I wasn't amazingly concerned about planning things out before I did them. That went for art, social interactions, presentations, and writing assignments.
I don't really feel like revisiting my teenager frustrations as well as art material, so I decided to plan out something somewhat simple.
My Lovely and I had been talking about barn owls a lot, so I decided to just mess about with doing a barn owl pastel work.
Using all my new grown up planning skills, I drew out the most basic idea of a barn owl. I tried to keep it rough so I wouldn't get distracted by the drawing the therefore not want to add colors. A constant struggle of mine.

I used many reference pictures and kind of mashed them up into my own design for the idea to work. I didn't just want to copy another person's picture.
We are expecting a little one soon, so I decided to make it simple and colorful in order to become a nursery art piece. Because even if it turns out terribly, the Spawn won't know the difference. Hopefully. I really don't know if I can raise an art critic. He will be disillusioned with me so fast. Let's keep him thinking Mommy is cool for as long as possible.
I knew that I wouldn't get a lot of detail work out of the pastels, so I kept myself thinking this was more of an abstract owl. And adding lots of colors that were not natural for barn owl, or any owls, helped with that. I just kept thinking, "This is ART" to myself when I felt I had gone too far with the crazy colors.
I liked the result.

Okay, more than liked. I was pretty darn impressed with myself. It is better in person, I promise. I just have a horrible phone camera and half lighting in my apartment to work with.
My Lovely walked by this piece multiple times. "I like that owl."
So I knew it was good. And he really likes barn owls.

Well, I can't leave a good thing well enough alone. So I decided to try my hand at it again.
This time I would go with something a little more naturally colorful. So the crazy colors would make more sense in the nursery. And I don't want the art in our little Spawn's room to be too grown up. Or all predatory animals.
So I picked an octopus next.
I will freely admit a lot of that decision was because I have a friend that is amazingly obsessed with octopus of any kind, and I knew if I could get her approval on it, I was golden.
So I sketched out an octopus using multiple reference pictures again.

I think it is safe to say I don't really understand how octopus are put together or their natural colors. I knew octo- meant eight, so I made eight tentacles. I saw a lot of big eyes so I got some of those in there.
But the real octopus pictures I was looking at had some amazingly creepy eyes. Rectangular pupils. I was a little worried that it would take away from the fun nature I was trying to create. And I don't want our baby terrified of his own nursery's art work.
So I colored everything as brightly as possible. I used every single one of the ten colors available and did a lot of finger smudging. I save the eyes for last.
Finally, at the very last moment, I decided I would make the eyes a solid black to look almost like doll eyes I would use for my other crafts. But I would stay true to the rectangular of the pupils by adding the shine to the eyes with a white pastel on top of the black that would mimic how it would hit a rectangular pupil, while still being cute. "It is ART!"

I tried. I think it is cute. Very appropriate for a child's room.
My goal is to get enough material that I can open up an Etsy store. I would love to add things like this octopus. So I was pleased that it turned out.
I got a lot of good reviews by friends and family that I spammed the social media feeds of with these pictures.
And that friend I mentioned that has a love affair with all things octo? She thinks he is amazing and decided that he looked like an Alphonse. So this is Alphonse, the psychedelic octopus. He is happy to meet you. He likes bubble baths and face hugs. Careful, he is not good at knowing when there has been too much affection.

I continued the experiment with a mouse. Because mice are supposed to be cute, right? Something like that?
And I figured big ears are good.
I attempted the same basic idea of the previous two. I wanted to bring in somewhat normal colors for a mouse, and also a few others to keep with the psychedelic theme.

Here is the result. I sketched him out first and colored him in a near panic, thinking it was wrong the entire time.
Can I tell you a secret? The mouse got away from me a little bit. I am not pleased with every aspect of him.
But the two year old I asked to review all three animals liked the mouse the best, so he gets to stay. Two-year-olds know their stuff, and who better to approve a nursery series than someone just able to communicate the sensibilities of children?
So there.

I plan to continue the series. I will frame the ones I like best for my personal nursery, and hopefully put the others away to sell on Etsy. I am thinking I can recreate a lot of the same animal. I will use the same positions of the animals, and sell them as they are made, as originals.
Because there is no possible way I would be able to recreate the exact same color patterns. I will sell them each as is, and take orders of certain animals, as long as people are aware they will turn out slightly different each time.
I suppose I could also get into prints if there were enough interest. But I try to not think that far ahead.

My Lovely has requested a cow next in the Psychedelic Critter series. I'm not sure why, but I think it has something to do with a multi colored spotted cow being hilarious to him.

I have no idea how this is going to go.
I will keep you all updated.
Let me know what else you would like to see in the color storm that is this project.
What art supplies do you still have in a box that you would like to pull out and make a mess with?
Let me know.

Smile Always.

The Bucket List Story

I have had many bucket lists over the years. Most of them have been thrown away or forgotten, or dismissed as impossible.
Here I will attempt to collect all of them together from over the years.
Not all of these items on the bucket list are still things I would like to do. I simply thought it would be amusing to compile them all together and see what they all looked like as one.
Wish Lists over the years coming soon.

Bucket List

[X] Get Published
[X] First Kiss
[] Drive a Tank
[] Dance in the Dark
[X] Kiss in the Rain
[] Sign a Book
[X] Shoot a Gun
[] Shoot every type of gun
[X] Learn to Sew
[X] Make a dress
[] Learn to Swim
[X] Start a blog
[X] Reread the entire Harry Potter series
[X] Read Jane Austen's classics
[X] Own the book The 10th Kingdom/Read The 10th Kingdom
[x] Learn to Paint
[X] Make my own Bridal Bouquet
[X] Get Married
[In Progress] Have a baby
[X] Answer why the Chicken crossed the road
[X] Write a short story
[X] Have a budget
[X] Learn to fold a fitted sheet
[] Make Soft Pretzels
[] Make Homemade Lasagna
[X] Draw/Paint Nursery Themes
[] Start TinkerSmith Etsy page
[] Sew [My Lovely] a formal vest
[] Make a door wreath
[...] Sew Monsters
[] Learn to Braid Hair
[X] Get a massage
[] Own a Home
[] Own a gun
[X] Learn Calligraphy
[X] Fill a Journal
[X] Save the day
[X] Get off all medications
[] Go to Yellowstone
[] Go to Ireland
[X] Unplug for a weekend
[] Unplug for a week
[X] Have one year of perfect Tithing
[X] Make Sidewalk street art
[] Have a living room picnic date
[] Have a Random Acts of Kindness Day
[] Ride a Tandem Bike with My Lovely
[X] Grow out my hair
[x] Find my drawing style
[X] Stay up all night, on accident, talking with My Lovely
[X] Take a midnight/earlybird impulse food run
[X] Have dinner ready when Lovely gets home
[] Send a child on a mission
[] send a child to college
[] See all my children married in the Temple
[] See my grandchildren

More to come, I'm sure. I'll add to this as I find more lists.
I got way more completed than I thought I would have.
Such a good life I have.

Smile Always

The Story of Hungry and Full

I am aware that the idea of reading a story of someone getting hungry and full probably sounds like the world's most boring topic. You may be scoffing before you even began "That is boring. What is the big deal? You are hungry, you eat, and you get full. Everyone does this daily."
The thing is, for most of my life, I didn't.
I would tell people that I don't get hungry or full and they wouldn't believe me. The idea that a person just didn't do that was impossible to them. I have been asked hundreds of times how it works for me, and when I tried to explain, I didn't have the words to describe the difference, and was told that actually was hungry and full, and I was being dramatic.
I'll try again. Because I now know the difference.

I used to be thin. Very thin. Try 116 lbs at 5'10.5" thin. Looking back on pictures of those times I am only now aware of how skeletal I was. It was normal for me. The skinny shaming I got really didn't help my understanding - just made me think people had a right to judge somehow.
If I wasn't reminded to eat, I would never even think about it. I would smell breakfast and want some, or have a craving for an omelette and make one. I would refer to my cravings or remembering to eat as hungry, because that is the word that was used. I knew something was different about my 'hunger' that other's, but how do you explain something against what you have never felt?
I often would only remember that food was a thing when I got dizzy or started getting a headache. It wasn't that I was making a point or skipping meals or being dramatic. I just forgot.
I would literally be confused why I was nearly falling over and then realize "Oh, crap. I haven't eaten in almost two days. I should really do that."
I would also get wicked cranky. Oops.
It was a chore to eat at most times. I liked the taste, don't get me wrong. I really enjoyed the process of eating. I just often forgot because I didn't have that little thing in my head that told me I was ready to eat. Chewing became an exercise of the jaw.

Probably more problematic for me was the flip side was also true. I didn't get full.
This was even harder for people to comprehend than the fact I didn't get hungry. That I could eat a meal and not get full didn't make any sense to almost anyone I told about it. Including family.
Here is how it usually went. I remembered that food was a thing. Either by smell, craving a certain taste, or accidentally making myself sick in some way because I hadn't fed my body. So I would go find myself some food. A lot of food!
I can't tell you how many times the word bulimic came up. It was actually how I learned of the condition, was people assuming I already had it. (Also, really easy to live up to expectations of a food disorder. Just stop mocking people, no matter the body type.) This was because when I remembered I had to eat, I would sit down to a lot of food, because I knew I wouldn't remember for another while.
So I would eat like 6 full burritos, an entire pizza, or half a box of spaghetti by myself.
Because I would only know when I was done eating if the flavors I were craving were satisfied/got boring, I lost interest in the meal, or more often I felt my stomach getting so stretched out that it started to be uncomfortable. I would eat until it hurt.
And that hurt in the belly because I just stuffed it with a family meal's worth of food? I called that full because I didn't have any other reference. How many times I had heard it said that full was when your body just told you to stop? Well, stomach threatening to unload or rip open because I ate so much seemed a pretty clear signal that I should stop eating. So that was what I called full.
And that is how you see a rail thin teenage/young adult girl down an entire large pizza by herself without an eating disorder ever coming into play.
I hadn't been hungry before, sat down to eat, and ate until I physically had to stop.

I honestly don't know if not getting hungry or full is a condition. I don't know if it is a certain kind of symptom or an uncontrollable disorder. I could never find any information about it because if I searched for any of those signs, all I would get were anorexia/bulimia results.
(Pro Ana websites are terrifying, by the way. And disturbing. And sick. And feed directly into the angst and insecurities and need to be unique but belong that resides in teenagers. Male and female. The fact that they often take an artistic viewpoint didn't help things. If we can't take them off the internet, we need to make it clear to youth that they are manipulation shrouded in poison and glamour before they ever come across one and find themselves intrigued.  And don't do so by showing the pictures on those websites. What is shocking and horrifying to the healthy is often artistic and interesting to those triggered. But I won't make this post about that.)

I don't know if others are suffering what I did for years. Because while I felt I was not having hunger and fullness like others, there was no way to really know, as I couldn't compare it with what everyone else was doing.
Until now.
I have gone through a lot of changes in my life. One of which was getting off all medications for the purpose of being ready to conceive a child.
I want to make it clear that I am now talking about the time between getting off medications that altered my chemistry (needfully!) and when pregnancy cravings and aversions kicked in. They are very different and I am now very glad it took us a few months to get pregnant so I could understand the difference.
When I got off the medications, I started losing crazy amounts of weight.
Before I had been on them I was around 116 lbs. When I got on them, I would eat in the same fashion I always had, but I then started to gain weight rapidly. I got up to 220 lbs by the time I got off them. Slightly more at my wedding. Most of that weight had come on in under a year. The medications helped with my unhealthy thoughts. But it completely ballooned me out. It was worth the trade off for me because my depression had been so bad, but be aware before you get on any medication what the side effects can be and be sure you are willing to have them.
When I started to lose weight so fast, I was pleased and took note of my numbers on the scale.
But something more drastic started happening to my eating habits.
I now remember with some amusement talking to my husband and sister in complete confusion.
"I just don't understand. I don't want anything in particular, I'm not craving anything. I just really need to eat!" "I'm not dizzy or anything, I just really feel better when I eat." "I just really want food and I don't know why."
Yeah, that is hunger. I would wake up needing energy and just really want to eat. I didn't feel like a bagel or an omelette or anything in mind. It wasn't about the flavor that would be best. It was that I needed some type of food in me to function. Weird. So I would eat more regularly.
I'm still kind of laughing at how I freaked out to Fullness, though. I was so confused.
"I'm not bored, and I still like the taste. My stomach feels fine. I'm just ... done."
My Sissy-poo's blank stare was perfect as she tried to explain that 'done' was what most people felt. They stopped eating when they were done. I was just so confused that I didn't need to eat until my stomach threatened rebellion. I wouldn't get sick of a taste in order to stop. I just got 'done' eating. I got full. And I didn't really know how to handle it.
I kind of felt like it was anti-climatic. There was no dire warning to end a meal. And at the same time it was so nice to be truly satisfied with a meal without having to hate the flavor or feel so over-logged with food that a nap was the only option. I could get up and move and continue my day and have plenty of energy until that really strange feeling of needing it came back.
I also found very quickly that I couldn't order as much as I usually did. When I fixed myself something or ordered something I had understood how much to put on a plate in order to get what I had considered full. Turns out I knew how much the entire capacity of my stomach was.
It took me weeks to remember to only serve up or order about a quarter or less of the amount I usually ate. You know, a normal American serving. I admit it probably took longer than it should have for me to understand I couldn't eat as much. It was so much a habit at that point to overload plates.

I can't express how enjoyable it is to get full. Hunger can sometimes be annoying. Because I see it as inconvenient to stop what I am doing because I really need to eat. But my energy is so much more consistent and there is something to be said for being healthy. And normal.
Fullness is such a blessing that I hadn't even realized I was missing out on. I can have just the right amount of food and suddenly feel great. Mentally fresh, body ready to do whatever I want it to. There is a huge satisfaction to a good meal. And I will try so many more foods.

Again, I have no idea of not getting hungry or full is a condition. I had many other things going on as well that were more pressing than the fact I wouldn't think of food for days on end. It wasn't because of the medications, I had that problem well before I started on them. I had it for as long as I can remember. It was just when I got off them and was otherwise in great health that I found the change.
I am also happy that as Hunger and Fullness came into my life, I have been able to avoid my Depression, most of my Anxiety, and many other of my issues since getting off the medications.
I am doing better than I ever thought I would.

Smile Always.

P.S. If you have any information about the inability to get hungry and full, and if it is actually a medical condition, I would absolutely love to know. I don't know if this is something I could pass down to my children or could come back to me later. I am enjoying health while it lasts, but would love to get more knowledge on what I have never even heard of another person experiencing.

Public Service Announcement: Witches

Public Service Announcement: Witches





The Cackling Community wishes to express their wishes that the term "Witch" only be used when speaking of a certified Cackling Member. Witch is an occupation very important to the community. Please refrain from using the term "Witch" when referring to a female of unfortunate personality. Using the term "Witch" without proper context has started a negative image of the Cackling Community and it's magic using Members.

A woman that turns a man down for a date or makes cubicle life unbearable is not a Witch, but an unhappy human being that you should probably ply with chocolate. We ask that you do not associate her with the occupation of Witch.

The public is also asked to stop depicting Witches as green complexioned with warts. That was an unforeseen side affect of the Cackling Community's Program of Immunization of the 1800's that has been discontinued. Depiction of green and wart ridden Witches harms the image of innocent Toad Coma patients and impedes the process of a magic-medical cure of this very serious condition.

The Cackling Community has been a beneficial contributor to society since the Pagan Corporation. Some of their greatest achievements have been the Black Cat Safety Patrol and the sensitive monitoring of fruit additives. We ask that simple steps be taken regarding the reference and depiction of Witches:

Black Brim Hats to be only used in official Cackling Community authorized advertisements

Complexions depicted to be correct as Chalk White or Ozone Blue

The term "Witch" to refer to only Cackling certified members





Thank you and have a magical day.

Mary Weathers





P.S: The pointed hat is a serious signal of position that we ask society to not imitate or desecrate. Black Brim Hats, our main supplier of aerodynamic hats, perfect for broom riders, has asked that the public does not misuse their product for human ceremonial candy accumulation. High Fructose Corn Syrup interferes with magic sensitivity and sticky fingers damage the carefully magic woven fibers of the hats. Lollipops adorned on hats like feathers cause unpredictable swerving and over-correcting on brooms and is a violation of the Humans Handling Magic Act.







Author's Note:

I wrote this PSA about this same time last year. I thought it would be fun to bring around again, as Halloween is coming up fast.

I have always been tempted to print off a few of these and pin them up in public places, just to see reactions.

Where do you think would be a fun place for people to find this PSA come October, and what other PSA themes would you like me to write?