What is Forgive and Forget?
We hear it all the time. We are told to do so. But what does it actually mean? The flippant response of a person "It's fine, forget about it." doesn't really seem appropriate.
If you need to forgive someone, and say the words "I forgive you", does that really lend to thoughts of a little offense? If you have to forgive someone, doesn't that at some level equate work?
We are told to draw on the Atonement for the strength to get through something and truly forgive someone. The Atonement is not only to wash away sin, but also pain. True pain. If Jesus had to bleed for that pain in the Garden, is it really something that could be considered small? Or is it more than just not being mad at a friend anymore?
If someone has hurt you, enough that they need to be forgiven, would you put them back in that position to do it again? If you have to call upon Heavenly Father, through His Son that died for you, in order to work through that pain of how you were hurt, should you put yourself right back in that logistical place?
What about the Forget part? I personally believe that in today's language we have a different meaning for the word than was intended. Does Heaven Father truly expect you to never think of the instance ever again? Is that even how people are created? Is that how we learn for next time we are put in a dangerous position? Or could, possibly, that second part mean something slightly different than just not ever thinking about it again?
Could the Forget of Forgive and Forget, simply mean that we allow ourselves to heal? To let ourselves not be consumed by the thoughts, perhaps? We are told so many times that holding on to anger, hate, and grudges does ourselves more harm than the person we are thinking so unkindly of. Wouldn't this lead to forgiveness as well? What if instead of never allowing ourselves to think of the thing again, which that forcing usually means we are only bottling it up for later, the Forget means that we don't hold on to the thoughts? We don't let that thing, person, or thoughts be our only waking thoughts. We don't live in those thoughts. Wouldn't our minds heal so much faster, and more permanently, if we allowed a passing thought, but then allowed it to move along? To allow ourselves to forget. A process of forgetting. Is forgetting a process of allowing ourselves to heal? Wouldn't that be a kind of freedom? To give yourself a freedom, over and over, wouldn't that be wonderful?
Wouldn't it be easier to Forgive someone if you are not thinking about them at every moment and that hurt they caused you? Could you truly Forgive someone when you are reminded of them and or what they did over and over?
Heavenly Father created the world, and us to live in it. He knows how we all work and react. He has inspired men in so many ways, including science.
Health science is a thing. Heavenly Father, in my mind, wouldn't expect you to ignore a resource of a mental health, and the professionals that practice it. So, wouldn't listening, with discernment, to the truth of your doctors also be part of the Atonement? Wouldn't Heavenly Father want you to use all your resources that he has provided for you?
Doesn't mental health, under that thought, have some basic suggestions of how to deal with the person that hurt you? Even if that mental health professional is not of a faith, wouldn't they have some basic idea of what is healthy for you in that regard?
Would Heavenly Father, or that doctor, expect you to socialize and be on good, friendly terms with that person that hurt you? A person that hurt you so much that you needed to seek help from the Lord and medical personal alike?
Remember, we are not talking a "It's fine, nevermind" situation here. We are talking someone that caused you harm enough that you fell into the arms of your Savior, and are willing to pay hundreds of dollars an appointment for a doctor to boot.
Perhaps the health professional would suggest that you meet with that person that hurt you. Would it be every day? Every other day? Every week?
Or would it be once, to find closure?
Could you ever really find closure, which is a CLOSEing, if you put yourself in a place where you are constantly reminded of what sent you desperately needing the Atonement and other help? Can you allow yourself to Forget if you are constantly speaking with, preparing to socialize with, or being influenced by that person that hurt you so badly?
We know that the people you are around are the people that influence your life the most, yes? Isn't that the reason that we sing Love at Home, so the people that we are around the most, our family, are full of love instead of hostility? Isn't that the reason for Family Home Evenings, and Family Prayer? Even those not of the LDS faith know the importance of the family eating dinner together around the table, yes?
We want to create bonds with the people that will love us, and therefore influence us to do the most good, right?
So if you are in the process, or already been through the process, of Forgiving some person that put you in a place where you needed the Atonement to Forgive, why would you be asked to never be able to Forget?
If you are asked to be near that person, over and over and over and over again, wouldn't that person now be an influence on your life, wanted or not?
Would it ever be acceptable that a doctor, who is seeing you for mental health, ask you to allow that source of anguish to have an influence on your life?
Would your Father in Heaven ask that of you?
Would you ever be able to actually Forget?
If you can't Forget, can you actually be well enough to Forgive that person?
The Forgiving isn't for them, though it is surely a possible help. It is for you. You need to Forgive in order to move on, and not hold the anger and grudge that we know are so bad for us.
So, would it be appropriate for anyone to ask you to, or expect you to, Forgive without being able to ever Forget?
There is a reason certain people leave our lives. Some are just along with the passage of time. Other we let or make leave.
Is it okay to have the person who hurt you leave your life, even if other's weren't comfortable with it? Wouldn't Heavenly Father want you to be healthy and happy rather than popular?
That isn't to say you can make it so that you never see that person again. Depending on the situation, you may need to be in their association again, however shortly. You may have to do so sometimes. It wouldn't even be bad to paste on a smile and be civil, helpful, and even kind.
But, wouldn't it be easier if you knew that once the instance was over, no matter how needed or worthwhile or kind it was to everyone involved, that you knew that you can allow yourself to Forget again?
Forgive and Forget. Those words aren't together because it is catchier and easier to remember.
Don't you want both?
Smile Always.
(I know that was a little darker, but try to.)
